Auspicious Love

Contributor: Alexander Ziperovich

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I went out for a smoke and there was a long, used syringe standing upright in the gravel inside the crowded dog park in front of my building. I went up to the gate and started yelling but the hundred barking dogs drowned me out. As I stood there shouting I watched a Doberman whose curiosity had been piqued by the shiny object walk up. The big dog stooped and sniffed around, tilting its head to the side in a final consideration before wandering off. Then a young, ebullient poodle came bounding up and greedily fastened its jaws down on the needle. The stunned dog stopped moving for a moment, its tail limp, before letting out a high-pitched scream. It staggered around wildly, blood pouring from its snout as the needle dangled from the roof of its gaping mouth before falling back down to the gravel.

That was the morning that preceded the night that I met Annie. I found this girl with blood-red hair at a bar in Capitol Hill and we ended up at this beautiful condo her parents had bought her up the block. We fucked everywhere, except on the little Juliet balcony; it was too small for two people. After we finished having sex she started with the Shakespeare shit.

“Michael, you’ve read Romeo and Juliet, right?” She was standing above me in this tiny silk negligée watching me pour scotch into a cut-glass tumbler from a crystal decanter. We had just finished fucking for the third time and little beads of sweat were drying on my naked body as I sat there at this beautifully polished mahogany table, my bare ass in her expensive leather chair and the glass of scotch in my hand.

“I hate Shakespeare.” I got into telling her how he wasn’t even real, how Shakespeare was just an amalgamation of peasant ghost writers who got fucked out of there writing bylines by a couple of greedy assholes from the nobility because they had this idea that you had to have blue blood to write in those days.

“But haven’t you read Romeo and Juliet? Don’t you think it would be divine to fall so madly in love that you would rather die than be without your lover?” This strange, yearning came through her voice. “No,” I carefully said, “I think it’s melodramatic bullshit.”

“I think it’s the most pure expression of love in the world.” She gazed out her fifth story window at the lights of the city below. I shuddered, thinking, “Death is the most beautiful expression of love?” I had another drink and left.

I saw Annie from time to time around town and we even fucked again, at my place. The same thing happened, too. We were in my bed sharing a cigarette after some particularly loveless sex. “God,” She started, “Romeo and Juliet really are the epitome of love,” She stared up dreamily watching the tendrils of smoke curl up into the ceiling. “They are love.” She said it breathlessly, the corners of her mouth tipped up like little hooks as she sat there with her eyes closed, opiated with the idea. I just sat there saying nothing.

Some months went by and I started seeing her with this guy I knew, Ryan, this depressed artist kid with perpetual circles under his eyes. He walked around with her with those big black circles under his eyes looking vacant all the time and every time I saw them they were together and it was like she was hard at work casting a spell on him. She’d be talking up at him as he sort of stood there swaying, just taking it all in looking hypnotized. She was clearly moving something around inside of him.

I was walking down the street where she lived one night and it was a scene, ambulances and cop cars, even a fire truck. There were paramedics and firefighters and cops everywhere, standing around a large mass under a sheet. I said to myself, “Fuck, she did it. They killed themselves. They jumped.”

That’s when I saw her sitting on a curb across the street with one of those white blankets you see medics give people after they’re rescued from fires or car accidents draped over her shoulders. She sat there alone on the curb silently staring up into space. I asked her what happened and she slowly shook her head at me as if awakening from some private reverie and looked at me and said, “Love. Love happened.” Then she yawned.


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Alexander Ziperovich is a writer living in Seattle with his girlfriend Soph. He paints for fun and even sells art once in awhile, but his first love is the written word. Find more of him at www.everythingsings.org.
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Your Furthest Point Away From God

Contributor: Sean Crose

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By December's end, it was all over. After drinking your way through New Year's weekend up in Boston, you awoke to the dullness of a wintry wasteland and a complete, total, lack of direction.
“Where to from here?” was the question much on your mind that January.
Unfortunately, you couldn't find an answer. Not in the ten songs you and the guys had recorded. Not in your mother's nagging. Not in your new job at the bakery. Nowhere.
“I'm at a crossroads,” you had uttered to Mom one day during one of your unending stream of arguments.
“You're always at a crossroads,” she replied.
She was right and you knew it. Still, you were helpless to change your situation. You'd have taken the road less traveled, but that road wasn't presenting itself to you. No road was.
Fortunately you got around to finishing the book Jody had let you borrow that night just before Christmas. Remember that night? How it was snowing like hell up there in Springfield and you thought you were going to die from alcohol poisoning?
Funny how you sat there in Jody's kitchen not really caring if you lived or died. Not funny, actually. Scary. There you were, pale, on the verge of dying from drink, and not giving a damn.
That was truly your furthest point away from God.
Yet you somehow remembered to take the book with you once the snow stopped and you figured you were actually going to live to drink another day. When you got around to finishing the book a full month later, you felt like a door had finally opened.
“So this is what I'm going to do,” you said to Mom that Sunday afternoon, minutes after you had read the last sentence.
“Sounds good.”
The fact that her “sounds good” actually came across as genuine pleased you. Let's face it, those words, or , rather, the tone in which they were spoken, made you truly feel like you were on to something.
And so you began the adventure of writing your story, just as the author of your new favorite book had done. Your life was heading in an exciting new direction. The previous year's adventure was over, but so was your old life.
Or so you thought.
Amidst all the preparation and hard work that went into penning an entire book on your rather unusual experiences, a book dealing with hospitals, specialists and brain scans, you were still pretty much yourself.
Oh, you could now go on and on about how nonfiction was the new fiction. You could also walk around serenely confident that you had both the talent and the unusual back story to make yourself interesting to a publisher. Yet you were you.
All that changed, really, were your thoughts. And by thoughts I mean those drunken reveries you'd have down in the den at three in the morning, when the television was off and all was quiet. The subject of the reveries may have changed, but the cause of them remained the same.
Still, the work and new direction served as bricks that would eventually become a rather lengthy wall. For some chosen roads, be they more or less well traveled, extend farther than originally thought.


- - -
Sean Crose is a writer and teacher. He lives in Connecticut with his wife Jen, and Cody, the world's greatest cat.
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Obsession

Contributor: Ryan Priest

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His breath is hot against my face which is funny because his words are lighting a fire in my mind. He’s so animated and passionate that I don’t care that I don’t know what he’s talking about, don’t really know what I’m nodding along with. I’m just so happy to have his attention.
I can’t help but to hang on every word, every delicate detail of this encounter. He’s got that thing, charisma.
It’s like a magnet in his smile and you can’t help but to be drawn in. You simply like him and have a desperate need for him to like you back. You always want more of him. It’s not about sex but he is sexy. You’re not gay but you would be for him. If he asked you. You’d do anything to make him like you. This is charisma and I know this. I recognize it easily but still I am powerless against it. More power than any one man should have, yet he’s got it in spades.
He’s gone on for longer than ever before. I’ve followed him, taken his picture a thousand times, in a thousand ways. At every premiere I’ve been there. I gave him five once as he was on his way out of a club. I didn’t wash my hand for a week. And now finally here he is one on one with me talking, sharing with me as if I was a real person to him. This magnanimity humbles me even more.
I quake in his presence but I don’t want it to end. Ever. I can’t even fully enjoy this moment because I can feel its inevitable end coming quick. Another star will walk into the bar and he’ll be gone. Or his agent will call and he’ll tell me, “Sorry, got to take this,” as he casually turns his perfectly contoured back to me.
The sun will set on this short gift and then life will be all downhill from there. There’s not going to be any topping this, beers with a superstar. I could follow him for another five years and never again this close, this candid, this personal.
I can tell by the rhythm of his speech he wants to wind this down. And why shouldn’t he? He’s got glorious places to go and magnificent things to do. At this moment I’m glad I always carry a gun. I’m glad because in a sense I can make this moment last forever. That is to say at least things won’t have to get any worse. Go out on a high.
I’m smiling so hard I’m crying. Either that or I’m crying so hard it’s making me laugh. The gun’s out now wiggling at him almost out of my control. I can’t hold still but it doesn’t matter at this range. His blood tastes of syrup and iron.
In a day I’ll be famous too. Not a star but famous none the less. They’ll never be able to tell his story without mentioning my name. I’ll have my own Wikipedia page and it’ll be linked to his for as long as there’s an internet.
Even in death he looks like a god. His body fallen over in its chair like a perfect pose. Like an artist would depict a murder.
The muzzle’s a lot hotter than I figured. It burns the soft underside of my chin. Notoriety is just a different kind of fame. The click of the hammer sends a sharp vibration rattling through my jaw.
This is worth dying for. This is worth the bullet that’s about to spin its way out of the barrel and through my brain. This isn’t what I dreamed about as a child but neither is it the worst way it could have gone. Being a somebody, anybody beats being a nobody. Especially if you weren’t lucky enough to be endowed with any charisma of your own.


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Ryan Priest is a screenwriter who lives in Hollywood. His newest project "Top Flight Security" just premiered on Youtube as a web series.
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Paddy Tells His Barber Why He Can't Kill Rosie

Contributor: Donal Mahoney

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Barney, I'm pro-life so I can't kill Rosie, no matter that I caught her in bed with Wilbur. I'm a Catholic so if I were to kill her, I'd go straight to Hell if I were to die before going to confession.

And even if I go to confession, and Jesus Christ forgives my sin, imagine how long I'd be in Purgatory. It would take years to strip away the stain--not the guilt--of that sin from my soul. Christ's death on the cross took care of the guilt but I'd still have the stain.

I know you Baptists don't believe in Purgatory but I'm reserving seats for both us in advance.

You see, killing Rosie would be a little like setting my neighbor's house on fire and it burns to the ground. My neighbor might forgive me in time but I'd still have to pay for the damages. Worse, I'd spend years in jail. Sins can be forgiven but they leave a stain. And no stained soul is suitable for heaven. Purgatory purifies a stained soul. That's how us mackerel snappers see it.

Some folks think Catholics think they can commit any sin at all, go to confession, receive absolution, die and go straight to Heaven. Even the dumbest Catholics don't believe that--and let me tell you we're not all Rhodes Scholars.

You and I argue about this stuff every time I get a haircut. For 30 odd years, you've been telling me I'm one of the few Catholics you know who's saved--that I'll go straight to heaven because I accept Jesus as my Lord and Savior. Rumors to the contrary, Barney, every Catholic accepts Jesus as his Lord and Savior. There is no one else. We just say it in a different way.

At the same time, Catholics don't believe they're going straight to heaven simply because they believe in Jesus. They believe Jesus expects us to behave as though we believe. We're not talking about good works here. We're talking about the Ten Commandments--not the ten suggestions.

So, Barney, it boils down to this: Even if I'm saved as you maintain, I can't kill Rosie because that would make Jesus unhappy. And you and I agree, we don't want to make Jesus unhappy. Besides, He'd probably tell me to find a decent girl, marry her, settle down and raise a nice family.

What's almost as bad, Barney, is my faith says I have to forgive Rosie. That's almost as tough as not killing her since I know she'll do it again. She'll cheat on some other guy who has yet to catch on to her.

Barney, ol' buddy, take it from me. It's inconvenient at times being a pro-life Catholic, saved or otherwise.

I'll see you in three weeks when I need another haircut. And stop eating those stuffed pork chops. Too much cholesterol. Purgatory will be there soon enough when we need it.


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Donal Mahoney has had work published in various print and electronic publications in North America, Europe, Asia and Africa. Some of his earliest work can be found at http://booksonblog12.blogspot.com/
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Conflicted

Contributor: Jerry Guarino

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    “But it’s not really my fault, then is it?”  Joseph was confessing to the psychiatrist.  “I mean, we can’t really control our thoughts, can we?
    “Is that what you believe?”
    “I’m looking for an answer.  You’re the expert.  Can anyone really control their thoughts?”
    “Joseph.  The mind is a very complex entity.  Are you looking for a medical answer or a religious one?”
    “I didn’t think there was a difference.  I want to know whether my thinking has implications for my actions.”
    “Ah.  Then that’s a medical question.  Strictly speaking, this is a question that has been going on for ages.  Will you be an astronaut or an astronomer?  Do you prefer action or observation?  People tend to lean one-way or the other.  From our discussions, I think you are more of an astronomer, someone who observes more than acts.”
    “Yes, I suppose so.  Is that wrong?”
    “Joseph.  There is no right or wrong, only choices.  Your life is guided by your choices.”
    “Yes, yes.  I know.  But how can choices be neutral?  Don’t all choices point one way or the other?”
    “One way or the other?  Your choices are based on your beliefs.  Your beliefs are based on your values.  Are we moving back to the religious implications?”
    “I guess.  So choices are neither good nor bad, just what you believe, what you value?”
    “Yes Joseph.  I think that’s a good way to look at it.  I suspect that you are worried about some choices you have made.  Is that it?”
    “Are my beliefs reliable?  Are my values in line with society?  What happens if my thoughts are not in line with my values?”
    “Then what you have is a conflict, a most common part of thinking.  Everyone has these every day.  Absolutely normal.  It seems, Joseph, that you are worried about the moral dilemma, to align your actions with your values.  I think that meeting with your pastor will help there.”
    “OK.  Are you saying I don’t need therapy?”
    “Well no.  I’m trying to tell you that religious questions should be discussed with someone else.  I can only advise you on medical questions, the examination of your life in less theological terms.  I believe people should have counsel from the right expert.  Your pastor wouldn’t give you advice on treating a medical condition; you would go to your doctor.  You see.  Coincidentally, that’s all the time we have for today.”
    “All right doctor.  I’ll see you again next week.”
***
    Joseph was still upset.  He decided to meet with his pastor, to get that religious perspective his therapist recommended.  
    “So you see pastor.  I’m conflicted.  My thoughts aren’t lining up with my beliefs, my values.”
    “Joseph, this happens to everyone.  Why are you so worried?”
    “Well, I worry that I have improper thoughts and I don’t dismiss them immediately.”
    “What kind of improper thoughts?”
    “Well, you know.  Mostly sexual.  Improper sexual thoughts.”
    “You can tell me Joseph.  Are you considering infidelity, an affair?
    “This is confidential, isn’t it?”
    “Of course.  Unless you are planning on committing a serious crime.”
    “No, nothing illegal pastor.  Just extramarital fantasies.”
    “Only fantasies?  You haven’t acted on these feelings yet?”
    “No.  Just thoughts.”
    “Are you unhappy in your marriage?”
    “That’s just it.  I’m very happy.  Linda is a wonderful wife, best friend and a great mother.”
    “And as a lover?”  This direct question startled Joseph.
    “It’s good.  I just imagine it being better.  More exciting.”
    “Are these thoughts related to lovemaking with Linda or the desire to be with another woman?”
    “Well, another woman, of course.”
    “So what you are saying is that your wife is incapable of satisfying your sexual desires?”
    “Well, I don’t know.  She hasn’t yet.”
    “You need to decide whether it is because of your sexual desires or a need for a different lover.  There’s quite a difference.  Obviously it is all right to want different sexual experiences with your wife, but quite wrong to get them outside your marriage.”
    “Yes, I can see that.  But are the fantasies, the desires morally wrong?”
    “What do you think?”
    “I don’t know.  I guess it’s wrong, but I can’t seem to help it.  Even though I enjoy the fantasies, I feel guilty immediately afterward, if you know what I mean.”
    “Well fantasies are normal.  It’s part of our sinful nature.  But acting on those fantasies is a more serious matter.”
    “So fantasies are all right?”
    “Anything that distracts us from God is sinful, so fantasies are not all right.  The trouble with fantasies is that they eventually replace your desire to seek God, to follow his path for you.  Just as the love of money is a sin, so are immoral fantasies.”
    “But why would God allow me to have these thoughts if it’s sinful?”
    “God gave us free will.  It is our responsibility to use it wisely.”
    “What if I never do anything more than fantasize, never act on my desires?”
    “It is still sin Joseph, but better than acting out.  It seems you want me to tell you that fantasizing is morally all right.  I can’t do that.  But I’m glad you haven’t acted upon those thoughts.  Have you discussed this with your wife?”
    “Heavens no!  I could never tell her that.  She would hate me.”
    “It might be a way to get over the guilt you’re feeling for having them.  She might be able to bring your focus back to her.  She may even be having similar thoughts.”
    “You think so?”
    “It’s possible.  Especially if you’re not giving her what she needs.”
    “I never thought of that.”
    “I didn’t think so.  If you want, you can both come in and talk with me or your therapist, someone who can guide the discussion and support both of you.”
    “That wasn’t my thinking when I came in here.”
    “Yes Joseph.  You were hoping I would tell you fantasizing was normal and acceptable to God.  Sorry I can’t do that.”
    “Thanks pastor.  I’ll think about it.”
    “I’ll pray for you Joseph.  Come back and see me again.”
***
    Joseph was still conflicted.  His therapist said his fantasies were normal and his pastor said they were sinful.  Both said it wasn’t appropriate to act on the fantasies.  Why would God allow me to have these thoughts if it was sinful?  Free will.  So I can’t blame God.  I want to have these thoughts.
    As Joseph was driving home, he saw the lovely young women leaving from work, off to the gym, to meet their boyfriend or for drinks with girl friends.  The twenty something’s were all so fit, with long hair and clothing that invited watching.  They walked lightly in their shoes, some high heels, some flats, some with sneakers.  He wished he were twenty something again himself.  He drove around for another half hour watching, then headed for home.
    “I’m home dear.”  He saw his wife, pretty enough for someone in their 50s.
    “Hi Joe.  How was your day?”
    “Oh, fine.  Nothing unusual.”  He walked over to his wife, put his arms around her and kissed her.  “I love you.”
    “I love you too dear.”


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Jerry Guarino’s short stories have been published by dozens of magazines in the United States, Canada, Australia and Great Britain. His latest book, "50 Italian Pastries", is available on Amazon.com and as a Kindle eBook. Please visit his website at http://cafestories.net
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September

Contributor: Cezarija Abartis

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They had courted under the branches of the oak tree sixty years earlier, and she wanted to bury him in its roots. But there were city regulations about burials, and in the end she obeyed. She even wished they had made love in the cemetery the way the other high school kids boasted they did. She and Hank held hands and walked to the library and back–hardly models of steaming romance.

Hank brought her a copy of Romeo and Juliet for her seventeenth birthday. “Well, your name is Julie.” He drew a circle in the dirt with the toe of his shoe.

“Does that make you Romeo?” she had asked, knowing he would be embarrassed.

“I didn’t mean...” He sighed. “I only wanted to give you the book.”

She patted the cover. “I’ll keep this always.” She held the book to her chest and kissed him on the cheek.

The book sat on the shelf between their photo album and the first novel he published. She became a high school teacher and he a mid-list novelist. He was at his computer when he slumped over at the desk.

She dusted the monitor. He’d been writing a mystery:

“The detective feared going back to his apartment. When he unlocked the door, he smelled the cordite in the air. His heart thumped. The kitten meowed piteously. He almost tramped on the fallen body sprawled on the floor. The kitten meowed again. He turned over the body and recognized his best friend.”

She read the first page: “To my wife, my muse, my sine qua non.” He had dedicated all seven of his books to her. Their children were not much interested in mysteries, though they politely accepted his gifts of books and displayed them prominently on their mantels. Susan practiced law and Ricky sold corporate real estate.

Her neighbor told her about the stages of grief, and that people do come to acceptance. Julie shook her head. Her neighbor said she was almost relieved when her Reynold died after the long illness.

“That was hard,” Julie said. She caressed Dolores’s shoulder, and Dolores burst into tears.

“I guess it’s never over,” Dolores said. “It’s been three years, and I’m still crying.”

The curtains fluttered at the open window and the September breeze. She still thought of September as the real beginning of the year–all those years teaching school and welcoming the students back. The curtains seemed ghostly. Their old kitty, Agnes, jumped on the window sill and watched the squirrels scampering down the oak tree and the cars turning at the corner.

Julie picked up Agnes and held her like a baby in her arms. She was now a skinny cat. The bones of her haunches made her like a halloween cat. Agnes nuzzled her upper arm.

“I remember her as a kitten,” Dolores said. “She tore up my garden once.”

“She’s better behaved now. Hank chose her at the Humane Shelter--the friskiest one in the litter.” Julie hugged Agnes to her chest. “Hank lavished love on this one.” The fur was scraggly. Julie petted her and petted her. She would groom her later.


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Cezarija Abartis' Nice Girls and Other Stories was published by New Rivers Press. Her stories have appeared in Per Contra, Pure Slush, Waccamaw, and New York Tyrant, among others. Her flash, “The Writer,” was selected by Dan Chaon for Wigleaf’s Top 50 online Fictions of 2012.“The Argument,” was chosen by Beate Sigriddaughter as a runner-up for the Fourteenth Glass Woman Prize. Recently she completed a novel, a thriller. She teaches at St. Cloud State University. Her website is http://magicmasterminds.com/cezarija/
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McGillicuddy's Wake

Contributor: Donal Mahoney

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Two new crutches and two double shots of Bushmills Irish Whiskey enabled Joe Faherty to move from the back seat of Moira Murphy's 1976 Buick into Eagan's Funeral Home for Tim McGillicuddy's wake. At 87, Joe was in bad shape, only a tad better than McGillicuddy who looked splendid in a rococo casket.

The way the funeral home had painted McGillicuddy's face, he looked better than most of the folks who had come to say good-bye. Many of them were in their eighties. Even Moira, who still had her driver's license, was creaky at 75.

McGillicuddy was 90 when he fell off his horse out in the country. Until that moment he hadn't been sick a day in his life. Never drank and never smoked. Women were his passion. He was calling on a couple until the day he died.

Few folks knew that McGillicuddy had been expelled from Ireland by the British in 1920. He was 18. He had been captured at 16 bringing guns to older IRA rebels who were fighting the British. A few rebels with rifles caused the British occupiers a lot of problems.

For two years they kept McGillicudy in prison. They finally agreed to let him go to America. Why not, McGillicuddy thought. Life in America had to be better than prison.

In the funeral home, however, much to the disgust of Joe Faherty, the priest had come to the wake early. This meant Joe didn't have time to grab his crutches and get to the bar next door before the priest started the rosary. The custom at Irish wakes was that the priest would arrive at 6:30 p.m. and all the men would have made it to the bar by then. The women would say the rosary with the priest.

But this was a new priest and there he was in front of the casket saying 15 decades of the rosary. Not the traditional five, as was the case at Polish wakes.

Joe figured it would take the priest an hour to finish. Then he'd ask Moira to take him home. He was too tired to go to the bar. Besides, he had had more than the two double shots of Bushmills he had mentioned to Moira.

Moira drove Joe home. She waited until he was inside the house. She wanted to make certain his new crutches wouldn't result in a fall. Joe waved good-bye to Moira and shut the door but didn't lock it. He had to let the dog out.

Although he hated to turn on a light--he lived on Social Security--he turned on just one because it was as dark inside as it was outside. He planned to buy some candles.

As soon as Joe turned on the light, he saw McGillicuddy in his favorite recliner wearing the same fancy suit he had on in the casket.

"What the hell are you doing here," Faherty asked. "Why didn't you stay where you were. We got through the rosary so why do this. They'll come here first, considering all the years we've been friends."

McGillicuddy didn't say a word.

"Well," said Faherty, "if you aren't in the mood to talk, I'll have another Bushmills till you decide to say something. You don't look dead. In fact, you never looked better."

McGillicuddy maintained his silence.

"It's too bad you don't drink. You could join me in some Bushmills. It's as good today as it was back in Ireland."

Down deep Faherty didn't know what to do with dead McGillicuddy in his favorite recliner. How long, he wondered, would McGillicuddy stay. He wanted to be friendly but there was a limit to his hospitality.

"Let's watch the news on television," Faherty said, turning on the set. "Maybe they'll explain how I've come to enjoy your company.

"You didn't drive, did you? If you need a lift I'm sure Moira will come pick you up. After all, you two almost got married. I think she's still fond of you.

Still, not a word out of McGillicuddy.

"I'm going in the kitchen and call Moira," Joe said. "I'll be right back. We can talk about which way you're going, up or down, if you know what I mean.

"The bets were about even on you. I told everyone you'd be in heaven before they embalmed you. Except for the women, you probably didn't commit another mortal sin in your life. Of course, you were dead when the priest gave you the Last Rites. Don't know if they work on a dead person. Let's hope they do."

Faherty hoisted himself out of the guest chair, got on his crutches and headed for the kitchen to call Moira. He stumbled a bit on the rug because he wasn't used to the crutches or all that Bushmills.

"Hello, Moira," Faherty said when she answered the phone. "Could you drop back here for a minute. I've got an unexpected guest who needs a lift. I think you'll be happy to see him. I have to go to bed. We've got McGillicuddy's funeral Mass tomorrow. Wouldn't want to miss that."

Moira said she'd be right over. Faherty, heading back to the parlor, tripped over his dachshund. The dog had slept through all the commotion with McGillicuddy. Joe landed with a thud on his forehead. He never moved.

The next day Moira blamed Joe's death on his crutches and indeed that was part of the problem. No mention was made of the Bushmills, however. Moira, who had found the body, found the half empty bottle and took it home.

As Joe's driver for three years Moira thought she deserved the liquor. But she wondered who the guest was that Joe had called about. When she got to his house, there was only the dachshund snoring next to the body.


- - -
Donal Mahoney has had work published in various print and electronic publications in North America, Europe, Asia and Africa. Some of his earliest work can be found at http://booksonblog12.blogspot.com/
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The Year of the Cockroach

Contributor: Kristina England

- -
Jenny pulled her hair in a ponytail and smiled at herself in the mirror. She fixed her dress, pushing one last wrinkle out of it.

Then she left for work.

***

Jenny had been through a tough year. Unexpected weight loss and cramping had led to tests and medical bills.

Then there was her attitude. She was having constant mood swings. This ongoing shift in emotions had impacted her relationship with her husband, her coworkers, even her twin sister.

"I can't do this anymore. I'm not happy," she said to her boss, crying in his office.

"I don't understand. What changed, Jenny? What is it?"

"I don't know."

Tears were always followed by a too-straight-faced posture, denial, and the inability to seek help.

The weight loss got worse.

She had colitis, so she went to the GI doctor insisting it was a bout.

Blood work showed nothing.

Her primary doctor sent her for thyroid and cancer tests.

Again, nothing.

She didn't mentioning the mood swings to the doctors. Why should she?

Her husband and others said, "Go to a therapist."

Of course, she saw the therapist during one of her "normal" phases.

"You don't need therapy. It sounds like you're just under appreciated."

She had been in the same job position for years, hadn't succeeded in her afterwork initiatives, but the truth is she was the one holding herself back, timid, afraid of failure, and unable to stand up to aggressive personalities.

Nor did she deal well with the coworker who had physically hit her.

She had told the therapist none of this. She had held back when her boss, her husband or the therapist questioned her.

She was the classic definition of passive aggressive.

Maybe the capped bottle inside her had started to leak.

Her boss had no choice but to involve HR. Her husband had no choice but to move out.

She felt the leaking fluids festering inside of her, the skittering of a cockroach across her heart.

She knew everyone else couldn't see what was going on but how could they when she was baffled herself.

Her job, her husband, her life, her body was infested with cockroaches. And by trying to fix it all with answers, she was just spreading the bugs.

"I think it's how so-and-so treats me."

"I think it's because I don't know where I'm going."

"I think... I think... I think..."

"I wish you could hear yourself. The answer's different every time."

"I may have to fire you. Do you understand that? Figure it out."

That's when the GI doctor called.

"Listen, you've been colitis free for seven years. I'm taking you off the medicine for now. We'll see how it goes. I just don't think you need it at the moment."

She burst out crying, hung up on the old man. She was scared to say she was scared. She picked up the phone, dialed employee assistance, and set up an appointment with a new therapist.

She then dumped the last of her colon pills in the toilet and flushed.

***

Two weeks later, she sat in front of the therapist.

"When was the last time you cried?"

"A week ago."

"Why?"

"I don't know."

"Let's start from the beginning."

***

Two months later, here she was leaving the house with her husband still asleep in the bed upstairs.

She had gained back twenty pounds, no longer looking like the "scarecrow" her sister had lovingly and worriedly nicknamed her.

The cramping had gone away as well.

But more importantly, the depression was gone.

Her boss was elated. "Whatever you're doing is working."

The funny part - for the last two months, she had no clue what was different. It was only last night, at a colitis support group where she had the revelation.

A young woman named Samantha was recounting a similar episode.

"What happened to you?"

"My body rejected the drugs. I lost hair, started having headaches, all kinds of problems. Did you know that stuff can mess with emotions? I didn't have that part, but it was scary," Samantha said.

Jenny immediately went home and looked up reactions to her medication. Weight loss, cramping, and mood swings were among the potential reactions. Her GI doctor has always said there was a risk of rejection, that the drug could damage your liver. But she had never bothered to look at the other symptoms.

Her therapist kept telling her that although she was an anxious over-thinker, he couldn't make sense of the depression, anger, and occasional paranoia that had led her to him.

Now it all made sense.

She wondered if the new woman in the mirror - the risk taker her therapist was developing - would have been possible without her GI doctor's random decision.

Maybe everything was about timing. Even the cockroach. She wouldn't have become this new and admired woman without that damn skittering cockroach.


- - -
Kristina England is a Virgo residing in Worcester, Massachusetts. Her poetry and fiction is published or forthcoming in Extract(s), Gargoyle, New Verse News, The Story Shack, The Quotable, Tipton Poetry Journal, and other magazines.
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That Last Kiss

Contributor: John Laneri

- -
It was a Saturday night, and a group of us from the Double T were celebrating at the Dead Horse, a saloon on the outskirts of San Angelo. We had just ordered beers when a cute little lady wearing jeans and a red tank top started circling our table.

“I’m selling kisses for five dollars”, she said in a friendly voice.

I tossed her a smile. “Cowboys don’t kiss. It ain’t’ natural.”

“And, why not?” she asked, as she settled onto my lap and draped an arm about my neck. “I bet cowboys are good kissers.”

“We are, but we only kiss when we have good reason.”

She fluffed her hair and offered me another smile. “I’ve always liked rugged men with happy faces.” She paused to look me over, her eyes going from my curly hair to my freshly polished boots. “You're exactly my type.”

“That’s good enough for me,” I said, as I pulled five from my pocket and proceeded to lay a big one on her lips.

She sighed deeply, her softness pressing me close.

Coming up for air, I said, “Wow… that was great.”

“Was it your best ever?" she asked playfully.

“I need another kiss before sayin' for sure. But, you’re better than Mildred.”

Her eyes searched mine. “Who’s Mildred, your wife?”

“No ma’am,” I replied laughing. “I’m not married. Mildred’s my horse.”

She smiled politely, as if she had expected to hear something more lasting, then she came to her feet and headed toward Charlie, one of my friends from the ranch.

I settled back to work my beer, watching while she moved around the table, going from person to person presenting them her lips. By then, I was beginning see her in a different light, and I liked what I saw.

From time to time, I noticed her look my way, and soon, we were communicating something special between us. It was as if we had been friends forever and were ready for some serious re-acquainting.

Finally, she returned to my lap and quietly settled her head against my shoulder, her eyes going to mine. “I've never known a man like you. You make me feel so hot. I could kiss on you all night long.”

I sought her lips. She responded eagerly, the warmth of her caress overwhelming me with pleasure – that is, until the thud of boots stopped beside us.

“What the hell are you doing with my girl?”

Suddenly, she went flying off my lap like someone shot from a cannon. I came to my feet trying to explain her little game and found myself confronting fiery eyes and a bull neck. It wasn’t long before I was on the floor kissing a size twelve boot.

“Don’t hurt him, Big Jake…please. He's a good man. I was only selling play kisses.” She reached into her pocket and shoved a hand full of money toward him. “I’ve already turned twenty-five dollars – just what you wanted.”

He eased off the boot, and grabbed the money. “Twenty-five dollars! That ain’t enough. I told you to charge these yahoos ten bucks a head.” He returned to me. “The lady’s worth more. How much you got, cowboy?”

I mumbled something unintelligible.

He gave the boot another nudge and growled, “I asked you a question, and I don’t have time to stand around.”

“Probably about twenty,” I replied quickly, using the side of my mouth to talk.

“Then, hand it to her – you underpaid.”

I did as he asked and felt the boot ease away. Soon, I watched him stomp out the door with her in tow.

Feeling a bit dazed from the ruckus, I lifted my head and turned to my friends, “Why are you fellows grinning like that? She liked me.”

Charlie slapped his leg in laughter. “I've never seen a girl jump so high. I’m bettin’ you tasted like Mildred; otherwise, she’a stayed in your lap and finished that last kiss.”


- - -
John is a native born Texan living near Houston. His writing focuses on short stories and flash. Publications to his credit have appeared in several scientific journals as well as a number of internet sites and short story periodicals.
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The Porch Swing

Contributor: Eric White

- -
“It was a beautiful service. I think it would have made him smile,” Ryan said to his mother.
“Yes…it was. He would have been shocked that so many people showed up. It would have definitely brought a tear to his eye,” his mother replied.
“You think so?” asked Ryan, “I don’t think I ever saw dad cry. He always told us he loved us and always showed it, but he was so strong. He was always in such control. I don’t think things got to him the way they did to us.”
“Come sit by me honey, I want to tell you something,” said his mother. “Now, how many times have you seen me and your father sitting where we’re sitting now?”
“I don’t know. Hundreds maybe…maybe more…you guys spent our whole childhood on this porch swing.”
“That’s right, all them times you kids played in the yard, we’d sit here and watch you. We saw every laugh, scraped knee, personal victory, and hurt feeling. So many moments of your childhoods took place in that yard right there.”
“I know, mom,” replied Ryan, “He loved this porch, and he loved watching us grow up from it.”
“Me and your father used to sit out here at almost every night and look at the stars, and I know you remember the rain storms. He loved them. We always sat out on this porch swing when it rained like this. He loved the way the rain made the grass and trees look, and we both loved the strong cool winds.”
“Yea, I remember, I didn’t know you two came out here that often though,” replied Ryan.
“Well baby, we did, and your father cried on a few of those starry nights. He cried when you got cut from the baseball team. He cried when your little brother had that surgery, and he cried when your sister’s first boyfriend broke up with her. He cried after every one of y’alls graduations too. Honey, him and I both cried several times out here.”
“I didn’t know…” Ryan said.
“And he never wanted you to,” replied his mother. “That’s why we always waited till you kids were sound asleep. Then the two of us came out here and talked about our hopes and dreams for you kids, and we talked about our worries and fears.“
“There were times when you kids were hurting, and you all went through some personal battles. You kids also made us so proud too. That’s when your father cried. He cried when he couldn’t do anything for you, because it hurt him to see y’all hurt. He cried when he was proud, because he loved seeing you kids happy. He loved y’all so much, but he always wanted to be strong for you. He just never wanted you kids to see that side.”
“I…I never knew that. I always knew he cared, but I never knew that you two were out here crying over us. I wish you guys had told us...”
“Now don’t go thinking we were out here flooding the Mississippi every night,” his mother chuckled. “We had some nights where you kids had us madder than we have ever been in our lives, but we always cared. We always had this porch.”
“Well, I know I shed some tears today myself.” Ryan said.
“I know, baby, but your father would be happy right now. He’s at finally at peace, and you kids turned out so wonderful. He’s smiling right now, Ryan.”
“Are you sure?” asked Ryan.
“Even through the rough times, we always smiled when it rained. It was our favorite, and it made him so happy. You see that rain out there?” asked his mother.
“Yes ma’am.” Ryan answered.
“That’s how I know your father is up there smiling at us now. He might have a tear in his eye, but trust me, Ryan. He’s up there smiling. Now just sit out here with me, and lets smile back at him.”


- - -
I'm a current student at Full Sail University. I have been writing all my life, and I am hoping to write for television and animation. However, I enjoy writing in any form.
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