Contributor: Martin Goulding

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Google Drone View promised to end all earth bound mysteries. It was way passed Google Street View; this technology mapped and recorded every point it passed. The drones with Nano-cameras and nanotechnology quickly covered every square inch of the planet. There were a few restricted areas such as The White House and the Queen of England’s bathroom but other than that it was open slather.

Initially strong privacy concerns were raised, then the voices of science and progress at any price, saw the great opportunity presented and championed Google Drone View, worldwide.

Already underwater mysteries have been debunked with the tiny Google Drone-Marines—no Atlantis, no Lemuria, as expected; just rocky formations that only at first glance seemed to support the possibility of man’s hand.
On land, all forests, caves and deserts went onto Google Drone Maps for all to see. A viewer could go to the deepest recess of the Amazon in nanoseconds.

The Silicon Valley Google whiz kids came up with more ideas for the drones while getting their daily massages and shoulder rubs. Every inch of the sky was quickly mapped and guess what? No UFOs, not one was ever detected. The only silver cigar shaped objects in the sky were other drones.

A metaphysical and philosophical arm of Google was created called Google God Reach. The Google faux-hipsters in their creative time debated how if they could just get the right team, specifically a blend of quantum physicists and metaphysical minds, they may be able to send astral drones into other dimensions. The funny guys at Google even began wearing T-shirts with God we’re after YOU with a small white bearded guy cowering underneath.

Sexual Privacy issues were addressed by stripping all “bedroom scenes” from the feed. However, a group called Julian Assange for President hacked the live feed and posted thousands and thousands of juicy bedroom scenes on YouTube creating quite a stir.

Another bunch of hackers put up a website called The World’s Funniest, Fattest, Most Retarded and Ugliest People and they released compiled video footage taken from Google Drone View; it reported 38 billion hits on their first day of broadcasting, these and many other spin offs led to it being widely accepted.

Not everyone was happy or compliant about Google Drones; I belong to a world wide body of neo-Luddites called “No Google Drone View”. We wear T-shirts with Google we’re after YOU. below which is the image of cigar shaped drone being blown away with a shotgun.

We have seek and destroy missions, one of our members built a drone detector from 1950 Ham Radio parts and this technology, which incredibly, still uses valves, has spread like wildfire. If you saw the 80s Alien series of movies, you may remember that neat little Alien detector. It started with one “beep”, and then progressed to increasingly frequent beeps when enemy were detected. Same with this one, it’s a little clunkier and heavier, it does take our strongest neo-Luddite to carry it. But accurate it is.

The drones are 23 centimeters long and 3.78 centimeters in circumference. After many successful search and destroy missions Google started making armor plated models and began using neo-Luddite detectors. They have all known members in a data base and used iris scanning software. As if that was not the easiest strategy to overcome! We wear air-ace style goggles still available from army disposal stores. Hop Harrrigan, one of our leading neo-Luddites, pioneered the two pronged attack: First, after detection we netted the drone, then held it down, diamond drill bit penetration, and filled it with water. End of drone.

The future is not so bright, our members are being persecuted, remember Google’s universal message they vowed never to break—Do No Harm. Well that is all well in the past. It’s getting closer to all out warfare, Google started it and our neo-Luddite brethren will finish it.

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Martin Goulding is an Australian writer who enjoys creating odd, strange and unexpected stories.
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