Oh My Darling

Contributor: Sam Rushton

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The two fossils eyed a sleeping woman through the one way mirror, as they had done for the last eight years. One was dressed in a beige suit, the other in a Nazi uniform.

"Is it time?" wheezed Maximilian, pupils glassy with cataracts.

"Soon." said Sergei, massaging his rough hands. He'd once used them to strangle a rottweiler, now he could barely open a pill bottle. The hundred year old woke up and began to laugh.

"Go."


Maximilian entered the room, a simulacrum of a nineteen forties bedroom. A wireless played Django Reinhardt, audio cues for the spy.

"Hello darling. How are you today?" said Maximilian.

"Hello my love. I just had the strangest dream."

"Yes?"

"Yes, that the Allies won the war. They drove tanks to the Reichstag and started to shoot. And I was there and could not scream."

"Ha. Then we are lucky it was but a dream." said Maximilian, taking off his captain's hat before kissing her lightly on the forehead.

"How is the fuhrer?"

"Magnificent. In fact he wanted me to ask you something." said Maximilian slowly. This was always the tricky part.

"Yes?" said the woman, moving beneath the off-white sheets.

"He wondered if you could remember any of the account numbers you put the gold in? He wants to commission a statue of Eva you see. As a surprise."

"Oh, I couldn't say dear. Those numbers were so long."

"Try. For your fuhrer." smiled Maximilian. He watched the old woman closed her eyes, as she had done countless of times before, and attempted to remember.

"Well...there was some stored at the Swiss National...let's see now..." she said, rolling her tongue across ancient lips.

"Yes?"

"Four...zero...one...um...now was it an eight or a five?" Behind the one-way mirror Sergei entered the numbers into a database. So far the string was lit green.

"Any more?"

"Five...double zero and...oh I can't remember. Let me check my books." said the woman and made to get out of bed. A look of horror washed over her face and she yanked away the sheets.

"Oh..." said Maximilian, picking up his hat.

"Max! Max! My legs are gone! What has happened to my legs!" she wailed.

"I'm sorry darling, I must be going. I'll be back soon." said Maximilian, kissing her head again before walking out. He went to join Sergei in the observation room and they watched the woman remember her missing limbs.

"You have to keep her in bed Max."

"I know. We'll try again in an hour."


The two old spies ate dumplings and gravy. Maximilian dripped some onto his lapel and cursed under his breath.

"Does it ever bother you?" said Sergei.

"What? The gravy?"

"Interrogating an old flame."

"Not much bothers me comrade, not after Stalingrad."

"But do you still feel anything for her?"

"Yes. But the mission is more important." said Maximilian. He sucked on his inhaler.


The interrogations went on all day and they were no closer to finding any of the account numbers than they had been that morning. The mission had gone on for so long, with no real results. Maximilian wondered if their handlers had forgotten about them, or worse, died off and told nobody of the slow espionage that they were undertaking. Sometimes Maximilian would go in and try to hold a conversation with her in the hopes it might somehow reverse the deterioration though the conversations often went around in circles.

"I want to try something different tomorrow." said Sergei as both men walked to their cars. Max nodded. Different was always good.


"Hello darling. How are you today?" said Maximilian.

"Hello my love. I just had the strangest dream."

"Yes?"

"Yes, that the Allies won the war. They drove tanks to the Reichstag and started to shoot. And I was there and could not scream."

"Ha. Then we are lucky it was but a dream." said Maximilian, taking off his captain's hat before kissing her lightly on the forehead.

"How is the fuhrer?" she said. And as if on cue in walked Sergei, dressed from head to toe in the finery of the Nazi dictator. He even had on a fake toothbrush moustache.

"I'm here!" said Sergei.

"Hitler!" she said, saluting.

"Hello darling! I was just wondering if you could remember where you put my gold?"

"Absolutely. I'll just go and check my books, excuse me." she said, pulling back her covers.

"Oh." said Maximilian.

"Meine fuhrer...I can't walk!" she said, shocked. The fake Hitler and the ancient spy looked at each other and shrugged before leaving the woman alone. Maybe Hitler was too exciting.


- - -
My name is Sam Rushton, a graduate from a university and unemployable bum. I have been writing for several weeks and quite enjoy the noise the keys make when I press them. I am currently working on a novel of scientific fiction due to my background as a science man.
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