Prisoner of Illusion

Contributor: Jeanelle Nicole Driver

- -
I can’t focus on the memories, shifting and swirling in an incomprehensible fog. My mind’s eye clouded by worries and doubt. I am a stranger in my own mind. I reach for still frames, snapshots, times when the world looked bright and carefree. Why is it all but lost to me now? Why can’t I break free?

This room is a cage, set up for my own protection…

“Where are you at, Alexis?” my sister said.

Her voice sounded tinny and far away, her touch but a shadow in my thoughts.

“Don’t bother me, Diana,” I said. “It doesn’t matter now.”

I heard her sigh and flop down on the bed.

“Oh, please, not this again.”

I scooted away from her warmth and opened my eyes. She would never understand, could never understand.

“You act like you’re the one suffering,” I said. “Why won’t you leave me in peace?”

She grunted and sat up. Ready to launch into the same tired argument.

“I’d leave you in peace if I could, believe me,” she said. “I have to stay.”

I shoved my feet off the bed and began to pace the small generically furnished hotel room, the white walls and worn bedspreads bringing me no solace. I suppose it was better than the alternative, but I hated it just the same. Nothing felt right anymore.

I became more and more agitated as my footsteps pounded across the room back and forth and back again.

“I don’t need a keeper. I don’t need your pity,” I said balling my hands into tight fists. “Get out of here before I break you too.”

Diana watched me. I could feel her eyes boring into my back. Her feet hit the floor and her arms wrapped around me. I gritted my teeth as she slid her hands down my arms and pried my fingers open. Her head rested like a lead weight on my shoulder.

“None of that,” she said. “I am not letting you go back there.”

I tried to pull away but she held me fast, her grip bruising. This only frustrated me further.

“Damn it, Diana, can’t you see that’s what I want?” I said. I’m no good to anyone like this. I’ve lost myself. No medicine or vigil will bring that back.”

Diana turned me around so fast I couldn’t fight her. I saw her face tight with anger, her eyes shining with tears. I was unmoved.

“I am not giving up,” she said. “I will not break. Mom and Dad can argue about this all they want, but you’re my sister. I will help you if it’s the last thing I do, Alexis.”

I felt tears tracing down my cheeks and I threw my arms around her neck. Clinging to her, the one solid force left in my spinning, chaotic world. I would be lost without her.

“I hope you’re right, Diana,” I said. “But, I think it’s time for my pills.”

- - -
Jeanelle Nicole Driver is a single mom of two kids.
She loves to write and share her stories.
She is working diligently toward a career in Creative Writing.
Read more »
These icons link to social bookmarking sites where readers can share and discover new web pages.
  • Digg
  • Sphinn
  • Facebook
  • Mixx
  • Google
  • Furl
  • Reddit
  • Spurl
  • StumbleUpon
  • Technorati

Help keep Linguistic Erosion alive! Visit our sponsors! :)- - -