Contributor: Alyanna Diavane

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At first, we didn't care.
We're just too different,
Or maybe just indifferent
To each other's existence.

I can still remember the time when you were just standing there, minding your own business while everyone was rushing to meet you, to get a hold of you, to get close to you. You just didn't care, did you? Too caught up in your mind's devices, never seeing the horde of women wanting, struggling, to be near you, to be recognized by you. It was ironic, really, how we ended up as part of each other's pseudo-family. We never cared for those kinds of things. We had our lives to live, and that's that. I was too preoccupied with my studies while you, you with the piercing stare, was too busy with your mind's abyss. I was useless as your pseudo-sister. We didn't even talk, meet or anything in particular. Then again, you weren't exactly the ideal pseudo-brother either. You never needed the help anyway. You got by with what you already have, even with the knowledge that everyone's more than willing to help you out.

Or you were just too aware.
Silently observing,
With feigned innocence,
As everything transpired.

You were always the mysterious one. Always had that observing vibe with you everywhere you go. It's as if you're just waiting for someone to fall from grace. I didn't mind, at first. I mean, why would I? We weren't close or anything to that extent. We didn't even acknowledge each other's presence. As the days went idly by, we were gradually finding ourselves entwined to each other's lives. Who knew? But we weren't together because of the pseudo-family status. We were just (un)fortunate enough to wind up in the same circle of people. Or maybe I was just too persistent in forcing myself in yours, I don't know. Something happened. Or, maybe, someone happened. You know this more than anyone else. You saw what happened, didn't you? And, even then, you were feigning innocence, waiting for me to spill all those emotions I strove so hard to keep for myself. But, you listened. You, actually, listened to all the gruesome details as if you didn't care. And, honestly, it helped.

Until that night, of course,
How could I ever forget?
The cold mask shattered
And all I saw beneath was regret.

Normally, I was the only one whose mask would slip away. You were always the mature one, weren't you? But... that night happened. I won't sink into details. You know that night just as well as I do. And, besides, we really don't want to go back to that time, now do we? Since then, this idea intrigued me: "What will happen if your masked shattered, to the point of no return?" It's sick, I know. Wanting to destroy the thing that made you so unique in the first place. That chivalry, it's sickeningly ideal.

It was something different
And it made me cling to
An impossible dream
Of seeing you lose control.

You always said that you despised men who took women for granted. That you would never, ever, turn into someone like... him. You know who he is, don't you? He's the reason why we became somewhat close to begin with. So, I thought: "What if the 'using someone' part was mutual?" That way, it wouldn't look like we're using each other. Just some agreement that entailed no emotions whatsoever. Since then, I did my best to join the various gimmicks you're going to. Silly, I know. It's like something a preschooler would do, yes, I know that too. Don't worry, I don't like you, not like that. Not that way, anyway.

- - -
Innocent enough to love. Knowledgeable enough to think things through. "Be warned. I'm a disaster in the making." is what she'd normally say but now it's just "This has tragedy written all over it."
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