Killer B's

Contributor: Bob Carlton

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My name is Bob. It has always been Bob. Until now. Suddenly, no matter how much care I take in spelling out my name, whenever I go back later and reread it, it appears as “Bobby.” I began to see things, things that no one else seemed, or bothered, to notice. More and more baby names beginning with 'B'. An increase in alliterative poetry, brimming over with such lines as “My brain, battered by barbiturates.” A sudden resurgence in airplay for the song “Beat on the Brat” by the Ramones (rhymes with 'bones'; why did I say that?). An academic essay by a respected linguist, noting that recently, through some unexplainable phonemic shift, the occurrence of the letter 'b' in written documents of any kind had increased by 22.2%. My own prose began bubbling over with 'b' words. It has become beyond obvious to me that the letter 'b' is the manifestation of some kind of intelligence beyond our ability to understand, the sound of it a mating song, calling new ones into being ('b'-ing?). Oh no! Bob has become Bobby has become BobBy has Become BoBBy. The adult BoBulation is exBloding! What boo they want? Why are they Bere? Bob belB us Ball.

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Bob Carlton lives a bio-free life in Garland, TX.
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