Contributor: Jacob Henry

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The roar of the beautifully restored engine dies and all goes quiet on the abandoned street. The silence is eerie, not even the usual sound of crickets within earshot can be heard.
Nine deaths all within the past twenty-nine hours, every one with their bodies mangled and broken, but no pattern to speak of. Men, women, and children have all fallen to the brutal murders. The police have no leads. The only evidence of foul play is an unidentifiable smudge of slime in the form of a handprint at every crime scene.
Matt Ramous stares out the window of the old classic car his mentor, Val, helped him restore with some alien modifications. Val is an AI that kept watch over an alien prison filled with thirty-three of the most dangerous prisoners in the known universe. Matt thinks back to when he accidentally released all of the prisoners and how he has been hunting them down ever since with the help of a symbiote created to keep peace within each sector of the galaxies.
The Sithoras, which is the manifestation of the symbiote and Matt’s fusion, feeds Matt information about the remaining prisoners. Dozens of projectors within the car light up and a 3D image of Val forms. The form she chooses is, a friend from Matt’s past that the AI used in order to make Matt more comfortable when they first met. Ever since then Val has used the form.
Matt turns and looks at her, “We believe that this is Freathous.”
“The data would suggest you are correct, however this is unlike… him,” she stumbles over the unfamiliar usage of the earth language. “He appears to be tempting you to some sort of confrontation. I suggest you pull back and wait to track him after he reveals his intentions.”
The Sithoras forms around Matt’s body in the protective suit he has grown so use to wearing, “No, this is the first sign we’ve had in months. He doesn’t get to escape and his victims die for nothing.” The crimson and black mask wraps around his face, “We won’t allow it.”
He steps out of the car and into the chilling night air. He walks down to the middle of the street and pauses, listening to the quiet, hoping for some sign of the alien. Then a deep godlike voice speaks out in a foreign language to humans, but the Sithoras translates.
“Glad to see you got my message,” Freathous says as he steps out of the shadows. His body is small and slender, with arms and legs double the length of an average male but much narrower. His face looks like two horns taken off of a ram and enlarged. The eyes are diamond shaped with a sinister red glow instead of eyeballs. His mouth is a vertical slit and parted horizontally. His skin is by far the most captivating quality, as it is completely black that sparkles, as if his body was forged from the starry sky.
“They were human beings Freathous!” authority and fury rings through Matt’s voice, “you will pay for their spilt blood.”
The alien barks out a laugh that would make an ordinary man’s spine crumble from fear, “I like that you think you have the power to trap me in that prison, Sithoras. It took thirty of your brothers to capture me the last time and that was by a fluke chance.”
“You will not be going back to the prison.”
The boldness of the simple statement causes Freathous to hesitate. The Sithoras and Matt’s voice blend in one roar of anger as he charges the alien. They clash and the battle begins.


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I was raised in Clermont, FL. I've desired sharing my stories with anyone who will listen since I was a small child. In October of 2012, I enrolled to Full Sail University.

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Author: Jacob Henry

Contributor: April Winters

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Remember how it used to aggravate you that I read the newspaper cover to cover? Today would have been a good day to go straight to the comic section and forget the rest.

I take a sip of hot coffee as I turn the page and there you are, looking more handsome than I remember. The expression you wear as you look down at your bride is the same one you used to give to me. My vision turns watery; I feel as if I ate one of those huge rocks we saw on the way to Reno.

Remember that trip; how you yelped and did some fancy footwork when you put money into that slot machine and the dollar turned into a hundred? You went from man to little boy in seconds, and I was charmed when I watched your happy dance.

Memories of the Reno trip trigger others: movies we watched, nightclubs we frequented, the Bon Jovi concert I surprised you with not long before you left. How you showered me with kisses when I showed you the tickets. How you were so disappointed in the live band. “Amy,” you asked, “why don’t they sing the songs the way they used to sound on the radio?” It was my job to make you smile again, so I figured I’d hazard a guess. I said they were probably sick of singing the same songs for twenty plus years; they probably try to change them up a bit to keep from being bored out of their skulls. I thought you’d laugh. You just looked sad and more disappointed.

I don’t know how long I’ve sat here staring at your picture, thoughts of our time together somersaulting in my head. My coffee is cold now as I continue to gape. The longer I look, though, the more I can’t deny what I see: the expression on your wife’s face matches yours. As much as I’ve always loved you, I don’t think I ever felt as committed as your bride looks.

Maybe that’s why you left.

You used to talk of marriage and family, but I showed no interest. How could I? The only point of reference I have is of my parents yelling and screaming at each other. Dad slapping Mom so hard her ears must have rung. I was five the first time that happened. Picture a frightened child drawn to the noise who stands in the doorway and witnesses the abuse. Then picture that child’s cries and the angry man who yells at the little girl to go to her room. I was too scared to move, much to my regret. Dad, face contorted, rushed over and grabbed me, smacking my backside with each step to my room. After that, I stayed in my bedroom and sang stupid songs as loud as I could whenever they fought again.

I’ve read that abused children repeat the pattern. I didn’t want to do that to you. Or to our kids.

There’s another thing I have to admit to myself the more I stare at your wedding photo: you’ll never be mine again.

I close the newspaper, aware for the first time in two years that it’s time for me to let you go.


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April Winters’ work can be read at The Dead Mule School of Southern Literature, The Short Humour Site, Short-Story.Me, and here at Linguistic Erosion.

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Author: April Winters

Contributor: Jerry Guarino

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“I’d like the corned beef hash, please,” said Tony.

“What kind of toast?” said the slightly rotund waiter with the white apron.

“Wheat, please.”

“Eggs, over easy?”

“Yes, that’s fine.”

“What kind of juice?”

“Cranberry. No, make that orange.”

“I can bring you one of each. Coffee?”

“No, black tea with milk and sugar.”

“And for you, ma’am?”

“Just a bagel and cream cheese with coffee, thank you.”

“Very good, ma’am.” The waiter wrote down the order, nodded and slipped away.

Tony and Barbara were seated at a table in front of the delicatessen. They had a great view of Times Square, already bustling with people by 8am. “See that large glass booth over there, Barbara. That’s where you get the discount tickets for Broadway shows.”

“Oooh. There aren’t any people there yet. When does it open?”

Tony tapped on his phone for the answer. “Eleven o’clock. After breakfast we can walk around and look at the theaters to decide what we want to see, then come back to get the tickets for a matinee, or we can go to an 8pm show.”

“Or both” said Barbara, smiling as she squeezed Tony’s hand. It was her first trip to the city. Tony grew up here, so he was the tour guide for this vacation.

“Well, it’s a good thing these tickets are discounted. Prices have really soared since I lived here.”

“It’s been thirty years, dear. That’s not surprising.”

The waiter returned with Barbara’s oversized bagel and generous block of cream cheese and placed two small plastic glasses of orange and cranberry juice next to Tony, along with an extra glass. “In case you want to mix them,” said the waiter.

“Thanks, he does that at home,” said Barbara.

Tony could already smell the corned beef, carried by another waiter, prepping him for the taste to come.

He set down a huge plate of corned beef, hash brown potatoes, three over easy eggs and two slices of wheat toast in front of Tony. “Now that’s what I call corned beef hash,” he said.

“You better save me a bite,” said Barbara.

“There’s plenty, you can have as much as you like.” Tony pushed aside some hash browns to make room for ketchup.

“When I saw that this was $19.95, I almost didn’t get it, but look how much food there is.”

“Look at the size of this bagel and there’s enough cream cheese here for a party.”

“I told you a New York delicatessen was the place for breakfast. You couldn’t ask for anything more.”

Tony shared his corned beef with his wife and she helped him finish the hash browns and one of the eggs.

The waiter waited the appropriate amount of time, then returned to check in on the couple. “How is everything?”

“Wonderful,” said Tony. “So much to eat and cooked to perfection.”

“I’m glad to hear it. I’ll come back in a while to take your picture if you like.”

“They really know how to treat tourists, don’t they dear?” said Barbara.

“I think they know how to get a good tip sweetheart.”

Tony and Barbara ate leisurely, not rushed by a crowd waiting for a table. Tony opened up his iPad. “They even have Wi-Fi! We can look up the shows right here.”

“Are you ready for that picture?” said the waiter.

“That would be lovely, thank you,” said Barbara. She handed the camera to him and leaned toward Tony, smiling.

The waiter framed the couple in the viewfinder. “Say Big Apple.” Click. “Let me take two, just to be sure.”

“Big Apple” Tony and Barbara said in unison.

Barbara wanted to see a musical, while Tony was in the mood for a regular play. They decided to each pick one as they had always done in their marriage, not compromising, but caring for each other’s needs. By the time they finished eating, they were ready to buy tickets for a play that afternoon and a musical that night.

“Looks like we can have a nice dinner out, with the money we saved on breakfast,” said Barbara.

The waiter brought over their bill. “Thank you so much for coming. Have a wonderful day in New York.”

Their perfect breakfast had come to an end. “Leave a good tip dear.”

“Of course, they treated us like family. And we’re not even Jewish!”

Then Tony saw the charges on the receipt. “$19.95 for corned beef hash, $5.95 for the eggs, $3.95 for toast, $3.95 for the juice (twice!), $3.95 for the tea, $6.95 for the bagel and $3.95 for Barbara’s coffee. $62.57 with the tax!”

Barbara’s smile turned to a pout. “Well, almost perfect. Guess we’ll be having pizza for dinner.”

Tony and Barbara paid the bill and left to look at plays for the evening. They probably wouldn’t be able to afford a fancy dinner now, but looked forward to seeing a Broadway show. As they walked by the marquis, all lit up, even at early morning, the Friday morning commuters were walking out of Starbucks and off to work.

They walked across the street to look at the prices for Wicked, the updated musical about The Wizard of Oz. Orchestra tickets were $175 each and all the lower priced seats were sold out for the next week, when they had to be back in California.

“Maybe the TKTS booth will have them half price?” said Barbara. They walked over to the booth where they could see the plays providing discount tickets. At the bottom of the board there was a notice. Due to popular demand, the following plays are not discounted at this time: Chicago, Death of a Salesman, Turn off the Dark and Wicked. Barbara sighed, the disappointment obvious on her face. Tony tried to think of how to make it up to her. Maybe a visit to the Empire State Building or a cruise around the city in one of those boats.

“Excuse me,” said a man dressed in a white shirt, black pants and jacket and a black fedora. His hair flowed out of the sides of the fedora, with curls on each side of his ears. He had a scraggly beard and horn rimmed eyeglasses.

Barbara turned to him and smiled. “Yes, hello. Were you talking to us?”

“Forgive me for listening to you, but am I correct that you wanted to find tickets for Wicked?”

Because of the earlier incident at the delicatessen, Tony was reluctant to bargain with this man. “Well, we had hoped to find affordable tickets here or at TKTS, but it looks like that isn’t possible.”

“I have two good tickets. They are for tonight at 8:00pm. Very good seats, third row orchestra on the aisle.”

Tony looked at Barbara and she replied. “I’m afraid we couldn’t afford those, but thank you for offering.”

The man looked disappointed as well. “You don’t understand, these are for tonight, after sunset. We are not allowed to attend shows on the Sabbath. You can have the tickets, no cost.”

Now Tony and Barbara felt embarrassed, thinking this man was trying to extort them. Barbara gave the man a hug and shed a small tear. “Oh thank you. This means a lot to us.”

“Simcha” said the man, blessing the couple. Then he walked away, nodding and reciting morning prayers.

“Like family” said Barbara.

“Like family” replied Tony.

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Jerry Guarino’s short stories have been published by dozens of magazines in the United States, Canada, Australia and Great Britain. His latest book, "50 Italian Pastries", is available on Amazon.com and as a Kindle eBook. Please visit his website at http://cafestories.net

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Author: Jerry Guarino

Contributor: Wayne Scheer

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Vera Watkins moved into an abandoned Hummer when the plant outsourced her job and the bank foreclosed on her house. Charlie Pierson interviewed her for the Star-Ledger's final issue.

After that, Charlie searched for a job, desperately trying to meet his house payments. He moved to a seedy, pay-by-the-week motel when his house was foreclosed on.

The only work either of them could find involved handing out menus for The Life Boat Café.When no other work appeared available, Wearing pirate costumes, complete with eye patch, they barked, "Fine fish to be had at the Life Boat, Matey." They avoided people they knew.

When no other work appeared available, Vera slit her wrists and Charlie shot himself in the head.

No newspaper was available to publish their obituaries.


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Wayne Scheer, a past contributor to WeirdYear, has published hundreds of stories, poems and essays. Four of them have been nominated for Pushcart Prizes and another for Best of the Net. He lives in Atlanta.

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Author: Wayne Scheer

Contributor: Jason Sturner

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She was new again, like she’d been born again, but with the knowledge. Like she had walked down from a mountain: cool skin, fresh thought, light eyes, and a fire burning for life. The past was secondary now. All the old romances turned dust-worthy. All the doubt dispersed. She was ready to face the world with open arms; to follow every step she took into a forward, sun-splashed direction. Love would not shove her away, not anymore—it was her ambition to curl up in its silky arms. It was her walk towards paradise, her vintage wine longing for a taste—and she could taste it now, on the lips of her subconscious; it was bittersweet, like strawberries.

“I love myself. I love my life. Love surrounds me and love will follow me.”

She spoke those words at every corner of every day. They launched her over obstacles with painless effort. Mental wounds healed without scars. The moon, the stars, and the sun smiled down. If it stormed, the rains were pleasant, shimmering with twilight sky. Clouds floated overhead, shaping themselves into chivalries. She hoped all future days would follow such gestures. And they would, when her true love came to embellish them.

He awoke mid-night, mid-spring, midway through a dream. He dreamt of a girl. He recalled vividly: his hands shaking, his heart racing, his mind not sure if she was real or unreal. They were in a meadow radiant with dew. She held poems in her hands, had shooting stars in her hair. Her eyes were earths: blue and green, mixed with sky and gold sunlight. Pollen and strawberry stains covered her dress. She shimmered like a rainbow.

And he became nervous, for he knew he could love this girl, but he had loved once before and his heart had been turned shy. Yet he stood in her path, waiting for her kiss, longing to hold what he so rightly deserved. She was the angel atop his life’s tree, he knew it. So he waited, and as she came closer his eyes teared up and his heart beat with desperation. The world held its breath, destiny exhaled its mirage. Then came a whisper, “We’ll be together soon,” and the dream was over.

That’s when he woke up, feeling new again, like he’d been born again, but with the knowledge . . . . He opened the curtains, looked out the window and said, “I love myself. I love my life. Love surrounds me and love will follow me.”


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Jason Sturner was born in Harvey, Illinois, and raised in the western suburbs of Chicago. He has published three books of poetry: Kairos, 10 Love Poems, and Selected Poems 2004-2007 (all available as free downloads; see website). He resides in Wheaton, Illinois and works as a botanist at the Morton Arboretum in Lisle. Website: www.jasonsturner.blogspot.com

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Author: Jason Sturner

Contributor: Ray Daley

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When we first found the new world, it fascinated us. It had water across much of its surface, most unlike our home. Our home is mainly plains, valleys and desert. What little water there is exists as underground rivers, aquifers and the occasional oasis.

We are the people. Our life is simple, we hunt, we gather, we explore. Much like our ancient ancestors who travelled all across our world in the endless pursuit of food, water and shelter.

The most simple things but most important to sustaining life.

We do the same, even fifty centuries later. But we do them in space, across the myriad galaxies. We find worlds, we seek out new food sources, plants and seeds that we can bring back home.

Our probe ships are autonomous, they know our needs and fulfill them as best as possible. Mapping each new world like a little oasis of comfort out in the vastness of space.

We found the new world much like we find our other sources, we listened to the universe, seeking out that which does not naturally belong. Their radio transmissions led us to them and their gigantic world.

We named it Mega Domus, parts of it reminded us of home. The many deserts and canyons.

It took a long time to understand their transmissions, we discovered time ran differently for them. At first their transmissions appeared to us like the calls of the water fly with its high pitched buzzing, we strained to find any meaning until one day a tape running one of the messages started to run slowly as the solar battery that charged it was going flat.

The tape played slower and slower until we were able to understand the language, they spoke just like us. Only many tens of times faster.

It was clear to us that our technology was more advanced than theirs, we had the ability to not only leave our planet but to travel great distances across space with our faster than light drives. Our probes sent back much information but we discovered this was a difficult planet to live on as each probe eventually succumbed to some new danger we were previously unaware of.

Autonomous probes can only deal with so much, they have a limited amount of intelligence. So it was decided that we would finally send a manned mission to explore this new world, to see if we could establish some kind of trade between our two peoples.

Twelve probes had given us as much information as a dumb computer can, a mule is only as smart as the horse that leads it. It was decided, the journey would only take a few weeks. We would make short hops to established outposts and then make the final leap into the unknown on Mega Domus. The journey was exciting, news reaching each outpost before our arrival and we would be greeted each time like heroes.

They were more than aware of our destination, this journey was into a new kind of unknown for us. The final planet-fall before our destination was the biggest. We were sent on our way with the greatest of ceremony.

The great leap.

Mega Domus lay ahead through previously uncharted space, new discoveries were made daily. More than enough to keep our crew busy on the twelve day journey that finally found us entering the system which was like many others we had previously seen. Cold gas giants, desert worlds, a lifeless grey moon.

And Mega Domus with all its mysteries for us now to unravel.

An initial planetary survey showed they lived where we possibly couldn't but left areas where we would happily call home empty and apparently unexplored. It was one such area we chose for our first landing site. It looked just like the great plains of Nervantes, even The First Hunter himself would have been proud to call this place home.

We were happy to set down and step foot onto this wonderful land that we hoped we might parley some part of for ourselves in exchange for some of our technology. We are sure the inhabitants of this world will welcome the advancements to their sciences.

***

Even now it is difficult to understand exactly what happened when our people decided to leave their spacecraft, we received badly garbled messages.

"Fireball.... shock-waves, planet lethal..... make no attempt..... landing again."

The transmission ended there, we received nothing further. We decided their judgement was best, they had seen the situation first hand. Mega Domus was placed on the no-go list, the first such occurrence in our history. We have no idea what the natives were doing and never will.

***

The klaxons sounded all-clear across the desert. In the bunker the tape recorder was still running. "Sir, your notes?" said the analyst.

The man looked at the mic in his hand, the fireball had wiped its very existence from his mind temporarily. "Yes, thank you. This concludes the first successful nuclear test at Los Alamos."



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Ray Daley was born in Coventry & still lives there. He served 6 yrs in the RAF as a clerk & spent most of his time in a Hobbit hole in High Wycombe. He is a published poet & has been writing stories since he was 10. His current dream is to eventually finish the Hitch Hikers fanfic novel he's been writing since 1986.

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Author: Ray Daley

Contributor: Jerry Guarino

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    Tony poured 32 ounces of hot water over loose Earl Grey tea into his clear glass teapot.  He toasted a fresh slice of homemade brown bread and spread raspberry jam on top, then took both to his writing desk where his computer was playing new age music.  Summer vacation was his favorite time of the year, away from the classroom, with time to catch up on diversions and fantasies.

    The sky was cloudy and the cool air glided through his window, the weather he liked best.  Tony closed his eyes to capture the full sense of the cool air.  

    The doorbell interrupted his peaceful state.  Who could that be?  Tony opened the door and was greeted by a beautiful young woman, maybe 24.  “Excuse me sir.  We’re collecting money for people in need.  Would you like to make a donation?”

    Tony wrinkled his face.  People in need.  Everyone is in need.  “I’m sorry.  Can you be more specific about your cause?”

    The woman held out an identification badge.  It indeed said her name was Becca Toscana, representing People in Need International.  The name suited this lovely woman with Italian looks, dark hair and dark blue eyes.  “I’m sorry Becca, but I’ve never heard of your charity.  What do they do?”

    “We provide food to hungry children by supporting other charities set up to do that.  You know, Save the Children, Christian Children’s Fund, Unicef and others.”

    Tony was still suspect, but Becca’s smile kept him interested.  “Would you mind if I looked up your group on the computer?”

    “Certainly sir.  What was your name?”

    “Tony Mariani, Becca.  Do you think you could come back a little later?”

    “Not at all Mr. Mariani.  I’ll be around again this afternoon.”

    “Fine, thank you.”  Becca went out to the next house while Tony looked up the charity in question.  

    Well, I’ll be damned.  This charity does exist.  Tony decided to contact the receiving charities to verify that People in Need sent money to them.  Within an hour, he received three emails from legitimate charities supporting their good work.  He was about to write a check when he heard the doorbell again.

   

It was Becca.  “Hello Mr. Mariani.”

    “Becca, come in.  I was just about to write you a check.  Please sit down.”

    Tony used the piano top to write out a check.  “You know, you should get a better name.  People in Need sounds like a scam.”

    “I know.  We hear that a lot.”

    Tony turned and gave Becca the check.  

“One hundred dollars!  Thank you so much.”  Then Becca put her arms around Tony and kissed him slowly.   Tony held her close and before long, they were in bed for an afternoon of lovemaking.  When she left, Becca smiled and waved.  “Bye Amante.”

Tony dreamed about Becca all that night.  I wish I had gotten her number.  The next day, he brought his tea and brown bread to his computer again, hoping to have channeled into some worm hole of fortune.  He was about to write down the experience in his journal when he heard the doorbell.  He looked up, and then rushed to the door, hoping that Becca had come back.

“Hi.  My name is Annika Setterlund.  I’m collecting money to feed hungry children.”

Sure enough, Annika had a badge with her name and representing People in Need.  Tony wondered whether he should mention that he already donated.  

“Please come in Annika.  Let me get my checkbook.  Have a seat.”

“Would one hundred dollars be all right?”  Tony smiled at the Swedish girl with blond hair and blue eyes.

Annika took the check.  “Thank you so much Mr. Mariani.  I can’t tell you how many children will be fed by this generous donation.”  Annika put down her backpack and sure enough, put her arms around Tony.  They made love all afternoon.  She smiled as she left.  “Bye älskare.”

Tony had a quick supper and got to bed early.  An old man like him needed his sleep for energy.  His dreams were as vivid as the events of the day had been.

The next morning he repeated the routine of tea, brown bread and sitting at his computer.  He had forgotten what he was going to do there days ago, but anticipated another doorbell.  Guess it was just some quirk of the universe.  But the memory will last forever.

The doorbell rang.  Tony pinched himself, ran with his checkbook in his pocket and opened the door.

“Hi.  My name is Carolina Munoz.  We’re raising money to feed hungry children.  Would you be interested in donating?”

“I see you’re from People in Need.  Is that a real charity?”  Tony waited patiently as the beautiful Latina explained about her cause.  He decided to continue pretending not to know anything about the best charity he had every contributed to.

Tony smiled and handed the check to Carolina.  “Here you go Carolina.”

“Mr. Mariani.  One hundred dollars.  This is most generous.”  Carolina unbuttoned her blouse, put her arms around Tony.  They made love all afternoon.  Just like the others, she left slowly, smiling and with the same goodbye.  “Adios amante.”

Tony sat back down at his computer.  The cool breeze coming through the window was interrupted by a crack of thunder and suddenly his wife was tapping him on the shoulder.  “Honey.  Are you all right?  I called but you didn’t answer.”

Tony sat up at his desk, noticed his phone was on silent.  “Sorry dear.  Guess I nodded off.  Why are you home so early?”

“I wanted to tell you that tea you bought was confiscated from the store.  Apparently it contained some sort of hallucinogen.  You didn’t drink any, did you?”

Tony pushed the bag of tea into his backpack.  “No dear, I’ve been writing up some lesson plans for next year.  Thanks for thinking of me.”

Tony had flowers delivered to his wife at the office that next day.  She came home early and reciprocated his romantic gesture.  Afterwards, she brought two cups of tea to the bedroom.  “Tony, where did all the brown bread go?”

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Jerry Guarino’s short stories have been published by dozens of magazines in the United States, Canada, Australia and Great Britain. His latest book, "50 Italian Pastries", is available on Amazon.com and as a Kindle eBook. Please visit his website at http://cafestories.net

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Author: Jerry Guarino

Contributor: Donal Mahoney

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I met a proper woman in a proper pub on a Monday in Peoria. It was noon, time for lunch, and we were sitting stool to stool over very large burgers at a long mahogany bar. It curved in and out as if wind-swept and featured high stools with padded seats and backrests, all in a rich faux maroon that complemented the authentic mahogany. The waiter had put us at the bar together, on the last two empty stools, thinking we had arrived there as a couple. Apologizing with his head bowed, he said no tables were available.

The place was awash in men who had obviously spent a lot of time in the sun. They were talking agri-business very loud. Plaid shirts and John Deere caps were everywhere. Apparently, the price of pork that day had hit new highs and that event seemed to delight the majority of diners. It was obvious these men knew their pork and probably their corn as well. The odd thing was, not one of them seemed to notice the lady sitting next to me. The price of pork notwithstanding, she deserved a second glance if not a whole lot more. She was certainly no farmer's daughter. Probably never baked an apple pie.

It was easy to see why the waiter thought we were a couple. I was in a Brooks Brothers suit, button-down shirt and a serious rep tie, and the lady was attired in the feminine business equivalent, a conservative suit, albeit in tasteful lavender, and a string of pearls. An hour earlier, we had both landed in Peoria on different planes and found our separate ways to the same restaurant. I was taken by how much she looked like Jackie Kennedy after Dallas but without the pillbox hat.

Eventually she spoke. It turned out she was from New York and I was from Chicago and that we were in Peoria for final interviews for jobs we thought we'd get. But living in Peoria, we thought, might not be a fit. We didn't doubt that Peoria was a nice city, a good place to raise a family even though neither of us was married. But we agreed that adjusting to Peoria might be difficult for urbanites like us, especially at the start, since we wouldn't be taken with the price of pork, whether it went up or down.

The lady was a surgeon recruited by a hospital. It took a little prompting but finally she said: "I repair pelvic floors in women."

Not too worry, I thought. She is still a very nice looking woman.

She paused to see if I'd react to her announcement of her vocation and when I didn't, she continued.

"If a bladder drops, or a rectum tumbles or if a womb is full of fibroids, I'm the surgeon that lady needs to see. These are ailments most men wouldn't understand unless they've had a wife who's had them."

I told her I did not have a wife, nor any candidates lined up in Chicago waiting for my hand.

She took a dainty bite of her burger that was still too big, despite being cut in quarters. She sipped her Coke and then informed me, "When I get done, the lady's free of all protrusions. She can urinate, defecate and have sex again, all without discomfort."

I had met my share of women but I had never met a woman, drunk or sober, who had ever said anything as startling as that even when in the throes of breaking up. I had no idea what to say and so I sat and listened as she continued with my education.

"Actually, my patients have a choice," she said. "They can let me do the surgery or they can buy a pessary, a device few women know anything about until I pull a sample from the cabinet and explain its ins and outs. The pessary makes surgery seem simple. All we have to do then is pick a day for me to tuck the lady’s organs back where they belong."

I said a procedure like that sounded painful, even allowing for an anesthetic. It sounded much worse, I said, than a colonoscopy, a procedure I’d become acquainted with early in life due to family history.

She nodded slightly and continued, "Now, if the lady's womb is full of fibroids, I'll suggest we take the uterus out as well. I’ll tell her we'll remove the crib and leave her playpen intact. Often that's the best solution."

She sipped her Coke again and said, "Somewhere in Peoria, as we speak, a bladder's dropping, a rectum's quivering and a fibroid's growing. Believe me, if the salary is right, I'll take this job because a fibroid in Peoria is no different than a fibroid in New York."

Then she looked me in the eye and said, "Well, that's my story. Now tell me, what do you do for a living?"

I finally had the floor and so I took a breath and said: "I repair sentences in documents written by intelligent people expert in arcane fields. Some of them can't spell or punctuate. Or if they can, they dangle participles, split infinitives or run their sentences together like mountain rams in rutting season."

I knew I could not trump her pessary, but I added, "I put muscle in their verbs, amputate their adjectives, assassinate their adverbs. I give my clients final copy they can claim is theirs. The reader never knows that a ferret like me has crept between their lines, nibbling at this and chomping on that."

At the end, I added a remark I hoped might prompt a get-together later, perhaps for dinner and drinks, another chat, a little laughter, and who knows what else. If our spirits meshed, a coupling was something we could accomplish before we'd have to take different planes back home.

"I believe our professions are similar," I told her, sipping the last of my Coke. "I too put things back where they belong and I cut away anything protruding."

About an hour later, we had paid our tabs, said long good-byes, shaken hands with considerable warmth and headed off in different directions for our interviews.

By day's end, we'd both be flying home to different cities. And although we'd still be strangers, we'd be strangers who had had an interesting conversation.

Not interesting enough, however, for either of us to ask the other for a name or number.


- - -
Donal Mahoney lives in St. Louis, Missouri.

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Author: Donal Mahoney

Contributor: Chris Sharp

- -
“But you’ll have to leave in three days. Here, I have a legal notice for you. Three days or quit, it says. That’s all there is to mention. If you come up with the rent in the three days, you get another month. Then I want you out of my house in any case.”

His landlady left him before he could answer. She had taped the “three days or quit” notice on the wall, above his chair where his cat sat. It didn’t look that much like a legal notice. It looked more like something she bought at Office Depot. But his cat had total faith in him and paid no attention to the flimsy paper note hanging over her.

He stepped out of the house and took his 23-year-old good health with him. For a moment he wished for a car so he could escape somewhere. But he had sold the car three months ago to release some money for rent. He had wished also he hadn’t had a fight over a year ago with his mother, that they had at least spoken some sentences together – even just a “hi mom, lo son.”

Finally he wanted some other kind of family member around – like a father or someone. Outside his window was a man with a belt wrapped around him and the crown of a neighborhood ponderosa pine. The guy probably made a decent income. But this man was no father. He was no brother.

He thought for a few minutes about what options he had left, with no money and no place to move. His mother wouldn’t take him in, based on how she talked. There were no other car dealerships for him to work. The one dealership to hire him promised that a person with no talent, no training and no aptitude for any skill had a real chance to sell cars. But then they released him before he had a chance to sell even one.

Regardless of how hopeless everything looked, his cat continued to have confidence in him. She rubbed against him as he sat on his bed, thinking about everything. “Do you realize,” he said, “if I go homeless, so will you?”

Since he always at least had a roof over his head, he stepped out into the town to prospect for the new homeless culture. It would just take a day. One day you would just stop and sit down in the back of some store. That was how you started being called a bum by everyone until you atrophied into the elements. It would be a little like being removed from your comfortable bed and moving that night into the Dachau concentration camp.

He saw two other homeless men sitting in the back wall of a bank. At one time they were probably lively, maybe even happy kids in school. Now they looked like they were outdoors collecting all the soot in the neighborhood.

It was all too easy to lose heart in this kind of prospecting. After a few minutes he turned into the Surf City public library, where he had been spending several hours of each blank day.

To get through the day, he had been watching the earliest movies ever made on the library computers. The movies reminded him of a supernatural experience as everyone in these flickering, gray and white films had died so many decades ago. These were computers where ghosts lingered.

At first when he came to the Thomas Edison movie “What Happened on West Twenty-Third Street, New York City (1901),” he thought it was so pedestrian that he almost turned it off for something sounding more exciting. A few people in the film from the Gibson Girl era walked on a scarce West 23rd street ---- on a sidewalk that looked overly optimistic in its width – while some horse driven carriages dominated what looked like a clay street.

An air vent on the sidewalk near the camera was carefully avoided by all the pedestrians. But a young man in a straw hat and a young woman in a floor- length Gibson Girl gown came walking right at the air vent from far back in the street.

The air picked up the gown so it sprayed above the girl’s knees. She wore black stockings that caught the curved muscles moving out from her ankles and then segueing in toward her knees. Her legs erupted from among all the 1901 fabric like gold breaking out from dust around Sutter’s Mill.

The second time he saw the movie, he noticed something new. The young woman was laughing after she had wrapped her gown into control and stepped forward off the vent. The young man was laughing, too.

Walking up his stairs, he realized how comforting it was to walk into his own home. Just having a home, and something to eat, made the day good.

The next day at the library, in front of the same computer, he had a more personal experience in 1901 on New York City’s West 23rd Street. He found himself greeting under his breath some of the people walking the streets. When the Gibson Girl came back, he gave his greeting all of his breath.

His room had been abandoned by him and his cat when the landlady checked on him. His clothes had been left there. In a couple of weeks, the landlady threw the clothes into bags and put up a sign.

After six months, his mother concluded he had abandoned her, too.

But more than two years later, the logo of “What Happened on West Twenty-Third Street, New York City (1901)” had been left on a computer at the public library. Two high school girls waiting for computers thought they might as well play the movie while they waited. They laughed as they watched. They especially enjoyed the laughing man to the right of the Gibson Girl for walking alongside his two giggling friends with the cat in his arms.


- - -
I wrote this story after I voluntarily went shelter-less on the streets in Los Angeles County to understand a little how LA’s 50,000 homeless population got there. I have other stories in Linguistic Erosion, Yesteryear Fiction and Weirdyear.

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Author: Chris Sharp

Contributor: LA Sykes

- -
'We've been so good together ain't we? Tonight, as we've been lying here I just know we've made the right choice my darling. Looking back, I swear to the Lord I believe we were made for each other, you know? Made, just to be as one. After all we've shared it could never have been down to pure chance, it just wouldn't make sense. What a ride we've had my love.'
'Hold me tighter beautiful. That's better. I know what you're saying sweet pea, the way I see it, you'll always be a hell of a wild ride.'
'I'm serious mister, stop fooling around in such a serious conversation.'
'Okay, sorry my love. I know what you're saying, I think the same. Too perfect to be pure co-incidence. You know, I still see the first time we met in my dreams. When I ain't drank, sober sleep you know? What a place the old Miner's Arms was, especially that night. Clear as day I see it, at the bar when that prick started poking me in the back about that damn stool. If he'd had lived I'd have had him at our wedding, to thank him like. Guest of honour, speeding up our meeting. I just know we'd have met anyway, crossed paths at some point, gotten together. But the way I see it, it would have been just wasting time, delaying the inevitable. Then he started screaming in my ear, remember? I glanced around trying to clock potential witnesses I might have to worry about and saw you with your friends. You were the only one looking at us hollering who wasn't cowering, watching closely, your beautiful brown eyes almost got me killed. I froze, a second later and I'd have missed his throat completely. Jabbed him in the shoulder or something, lost the knife and been done myself. But it was written that way, love at first sight. You were the only person in that place who didn't look at me like an animal, even when I was covered in blood. You took me home, Jesus, I remember your girlfriends screaming at you as we left, calling me a monster, but you just kept walking with your dainty hand squeezing mine. Then I told you I’d love you till the day I died in that pokey kitchen when you were licking me clean. I love to dream that dream.'
'The beginning of the ride, my love, when we found each other. I always dream about our first. How nervous were we? Oh my, when she slipped her ties and almost escaped? Stop laughing’
‘Ain’t making fun, you know that baby. Just remember your face, looked like it had been struck by lightning as you slashed her across the heels when she was running. So smart. I almost forgot about that. There’s been so many now they all kind of blend in, we’ve definitely had a hell of a run. You’re right, what a hell of a ride. I’m glad you trusted me when I told you I was going to love you till the day I died. I told you I’d love you forever. I want go now, I’m ready my sweet pea.’
‘Any regrets my darling?’
‘Only two. That we didn’t meet sooner and that they are closing in. Let’s go now my baby, let me lead the way so I can wait for you in forever.’
‘Alright, just relax, good, just a nick, done my darling. Oh how I love that neck, bleed for me, that’s it. Keep going my love. That’s it, shhh, it’s alright, go to sleep, go to sleep my love. I hope you can still hear me, I’m looking in the mirror, gleaming in your sanguine my love, our hunger, our hunger. That’s it, drift away and wait for me my darling. Oh if you could see me now my love, glistening for you. Hold out your hands and wait for me, I’ll follow just as soon as you’ve arrived. That’s it, lay still my love, I will be there in a few moments. I just know we were made to be together. In forever.’


- - -
LA Sykes grew up in small town Greater Manchester, England. He studied psychology and criminology at University of Central Lancashire before working in psychiatry. His flash fiction is up at and due to appear in the likes of Shotgun Honey, Powder burn Flash and Blink Ink amongst others. He can be contacted at sykesfiction@live.co.uk

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Author: LA Sykes