Contributor: Martin Goulding

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Google Drone View promised to end all earth bound mysteries. It was way passed Google Street View; this technology mapped and recorded every point it passed. The drones with Nano-cameras and nanotechnology quickly covered every square inch of the planet. There were a few restricted areas such as The White House and the Queen of England’s bathroom but other than that it was open slather.

Initially strong privacy concerns were raised, then the voices of science and progress at any price, saw the great opportunity presented and championed Google Drone View, worldwide.

Already underwater mysteries have been debunked with the tiny Google Drone-Marines—no Atlantis, no Lemuria, as expected; just rocky formations that only at first glance seemed to support the possibility of man’s hand.
On land, all forests, caves and deserts went onto Google Drone Maps for all to see. A viewer could go to the deepest recess of the Amazon in nanoseconds.

The Silicon Valley Google whiz kids came up with more ideas for the drones while getting their daily massages and shoulder rubs. Every inch of the sky was quickly mapped and guess what? No UFOs, not one was ever detected. The only silver cigar shaped objects in the sky were other drones.

A metaphysical and philosophical arm of Google was created called Google God Reach. The Google faux-hipsters in their creative time debated how if they could just get the right team, specifically a blend of quantum physicists and metaphysical minds, they may be able to send astral drones into other dimensions. The funny guys at Google even began wearing T-shirts with God we’re after YOU with a small white bearded guy cowering underneath.

Sexual Privacy issues were addressed by stripping all “bedroom scenes” from the feed. However, a group called Julian Assange for President hacked the live feed and posted thousands and thousands of juicy bedroom scenes on YouTube creating quite a stir.

Another bunch of hackers put up a website called The World’s Funniest, Fattest, Most Retarded and Ugliest People and they released compiled video footage taken from Google Drone View; it reported 38 billion hits on their first day of broadcasting, these and many other spin offs led to it being widely accepted.

Not everyone was happy or compliant about Google Drones; I belong to a world wide body of neo-Luddites called “No Google Drone View”. We wear T-shirts with Google we’re after YOU. below which is the image of cigar shaped drone being blown away with a shotgun.

We have seek and destroy missions, one of our members built a drone detector from 1950 Ham Radio parts and this technology, which incredibly, still uses valves, has spread like wildfire. If you saw the 80s Alien series of movies, you may remember that neat little Alien detector. It started with one “beep”, and then progressed to increasingly frequent beeps when enemy were detected. Same with this one, it’s a little clunkier and heavier, it does take our strongest neo-Luddite to carry it. But accurate it is.

The drones are 23 centimeters long and 3.78 centimeters in circumference. After many successful search and destroy missions Google started making armor plated models and began using neo-Luddite detectors. They have all known members in a data base and used iris scanning software. As if that was not the easiest strategy to overcome! We wear air-ace style goggles still available from army disposal stores. Hop Harrrigan, one of our leading neo-Luddites, pioneered the two pronged attack: First, after detection we netted the drone, then held it down, diamond drill bit penetration, and filled it with water. End of drone.

The future is not so bright, our members are being persecuted, remember Google’s universal message they vowed never to break—Do No Harm. Well that is all well in the past. It’s getting closer to all out warfare, Google started it and our neo-Luddite brethren will finish it.


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Martin Goulding is an Australian writer who enjoys creating odd, strange and unexpected stories.

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Author: Martin Goulding

Contributor: Martin Goulding

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Claus got a text message from a botany associate that something had been eating the wild orchids on Mount Hedlow. He kept a close eye on anything to do with this area, so even this got his attention and impelled him to a quick climb to see what was going on.

A bit of background: Claus had been studying The Epic of Gilgamesh since the 1970s and after many years of research, felt he had located where the events depicted in the mythological tale had occurred. He’d recently published a paper on it, and as expected, it was rejected by almost all his peers. Claus was generally seen as a nutter and a holocaust denier.

The Epic of Gilgamesh has two themes: The fact that all mortals die and a universal and ancient flood. Most people would have no problem with either of these possibilities. Claus disputation was where the events depicted, occurred. All scholars posit the area associated with the fable to be Middle East; whereas Claus is emphatic it was on Mt Hedlow, in Upper stony. Upper Stony is exactly 1000 miles from Anywhere, the nearest town.

Claus moved quickly up the rutted path toward the summit of Mt Hedlow and easily found the culprit; it was Happy Hammond, the only steer to ever escape from the Hard Knocks Slaughterhouse. Claus did not know the steer was a cult hero, a creature of great intelligence and courage. He just saw him as an environmental vandal, eating wild orchids on Mt Hedlow.

Before either of them could enter into dialogue, a massive roar began in the distance, it grew immensely loud and both Happy and Claus looked to the horizon. A Tsunami wave had hit the coast and was moving inland. At that moment Claus’s phone played his text message alert. It said:

[Warning]Tsunami wave up to 800 meters seek high ground urgently]

Claus did the math and checked his altimeter phone application. It indicated an altitude of 750 meters, 50 meters short and he didn’t like getting wet.

He estimated from the speed of the wave, Happy and he had around 60 seconds to gain 50 meters in height, presently they were just below the mountain ridge.

Claus decided on immediate an drastic action, he pulled the #3 small dog taser from his black army disposal shoulder bag and instantly thrust himself into the air and onto Happy’s bony back, hitting his rump with the charged taser. The startled steer bucked and flew up the mountain path at remarkable speed. Claus clung to his neck and hairy back and rode it out.

The Tsunami was nearly upon them and deafening, they had gained over 100 meters in altitude by the power of Happy Hammond’s speed and dexterity. From the safety of Happy’s back he watched the massive wave approach, incredibly two surfers were visible riding the wave, he grabbed his binoculars and zoomed in; both of them had black T-shirts on with “Wipe Out IS Death” written, with a white skull and crossbones underneath.

Claus instantly recognized these guys; they were the post-modern and true heroes of Gilgamesh. They were god like figures with courage and power as great as the original and ancient ones. They were hooting and screaming with awesome bravado, just audible above the roar. 

Claus wept at the sight of them; he had seen true mythic figures with his own eyes. In an instant they were gone, the wave passed and the great flood followed and remained for two weeks. Claus was forced to eat wild orchids with Happy Hammond. He recorded the events by chiseling them into stone tablets, leaving them on the summit for posterity to find.

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Martin Goulding is Australian writer who enjoys creating the unusual to the bizarre (but always entertaining).He is in the process of writing enough material for a collection in the next 12 months. That's the plan.

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Author: Martin Goulding