THE EPIC OF GILGAMESH IN UPPER STONY

Contributor: Martin Goulding

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Claus got a text message from a botany associate that something had been eating the wild orchids on Mount Hedlow. He kept a close eye on anything to do with this area, so even this got his attention and impelled him to a quick climb to see what was going on.

A bit of background: Claus had been studying The Epic of Gilgamesh since the 1970s and after many years of research, felt he had located where the events depicted in the mythological tale had occurred. He’d recently published a paper on it, and as expected, it was rejected by almost all his peers. Claus was generally seen as a nutter and a holocaust denier.

The Epic of Gilgamesh has two themes: The fact that all mortals die and a universal and ancient flood. Most people would have no problem with either of these possibilities. Claus disputation was where the events depicted, occurred. All scholars posit the area associated with the fable to be Middle East; whereas Claus is emphatic it was on Mt Hedlow, in Upper stony. Upper Stony is exactly 1000 miles from Anywhere, the nearest town.

Claus moved quickly up the rutted path toward the summit of Mt Hedlow and easily found the culprit; it was Happy Hammond, the only steer to ever escape from the Hard Knocks Slaughterhouse. Claus did not know the steer was a cult hero, a creature of great intelligence and courage. He just saw him as an environmental vandal, eating wild orchids on Mt Hedlow.

Before either of them could enter into dialogue, a massive roar began in the distance, it grew immensely loud and both Happy and Claus looked to the horizon. A Tsunami wave had hit the coast and was moving inland. At that moment Claus’s phone played his text message alert. It said:

[Warning]Tsunami wave up to 800 meters seek high ground urgently]

Claus did the math and checked his altimeter phone application. It indicated an altitude of 750 meters, 50 meters short and he didn’t like getting wet.

He estimated from the speed of the wave, Happy and he had around 60 seconds to gain 50 meters in height, presently they were just below the mountain ridge.

Claus decided on immediate an drastic action, he pulled the #3 small dog taser from his black army disposal shoulder bag and instantly thrust himself into the air and onto Happy’s bony back, hitting his rump with the charged taser. The startled steer bucked and flew up the mountain path at remarkable speed. Claus clung to his neck and hairy back and rode it out.

The Tsunami was nearly upon them and deafening, they had gained over 100 meters in altitude by the power of Happy Hammond’s speed and dexterity. From the safety of Happy’s back he watched the massive wave approach, incredibly two surfers were visible riding the wave, he grabbed his binoculars and zoomed in; both of them had black T-shirts on with “Wipe Out IS Death” written, with a white skull and crossbones underneath.

Claus instantly recognized these guys; they were the post-modern and true heroes of Gilgamesh. They were god like figures with courage and power as great as the original and ancient ones. They were hooting and screaming with awesome bravado, just audible above the roar. 

Claus wept at the sight of them; he had seen true mythic figures with his own eyes. In an instant they were gone, the wave passed and the great flood followed and remained for two weeks. Claus was forced to eat wild orchids with Happy Hammond. He recorded the events by chiseling them into stone tablets, leaving them on the summit for posterity to find.

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Martin Goulding is Australian writer who enjoys creating the unusual to the bizarre (but always entertaining).He is in the process of writing enough material for a collection in the next 12 months. That's the plan.

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Author: Martin Goulding